Facing The Demons
by mipela
Summary: Why Kate is still alive in my world.
1. Chapter 1

**Facing the Demons**

**All rights and characters belong to Sally Wainwright**

_This story is my first attempt at Fan Fiction. I see it as a possible way to have Kate McKenzie Dawson continue her life with Caroline McKenzie-Dawson in Last Tango and attempt some in-depth storylines for Caroline and Kate who bring the warmth and love to this series. Your feedback will be most appreciated._

Chapter One

Kate finished cleaning her teeth and turned the tap off. As she did, she heard the now familiar sound of Caroline moaning and crying in her sleep. She walked back into the room and gently eased herself on to the bed beside her wife and held her, stroking the beads of perspiration from her face. Caroline slowly woke and as she opened her eyes she stared at Kate with relief as she wound her body around her for security. It had been another night of terrors, dreams of death and funerals.

"Darling you really are going to have to deal with these dreams and emotions you are experiencing they are leaving you exhausted and tense; I am worried about you", Kate whispered gently to her. "It's nearly ten weeks since the accident and I have been home for four of those getting better and stronger every day, but you are still suffering so much, Caroline".

Kate's time in hospital after the accident had been a roller coaster. The doctor had spoken very openly to Caroline and told her that Kate's life hung in the balance; she had lost a lot of blood from internal injuries and it would be days before they knew whether she would pull through. It was a miracle that Flora had survived the impact but thankfully her prognosis was good, which was more than could be said for Kate. At the words of the surgeon, Caroline had let out a cry of agony and fallen into the arms of her mother pleading out loud for her new wife not to die. The previous day's upset and bad feeling between mother and daughter was brushed aside by this devastating event.

The next six weeks were a blur of bedside vigils with good news one day; fear and devastation the next. There had been calls from the hospital in the middle of the night and dashes to be with her wife as she fought for life. Flora had been released from intensive care after two weeks and allowed home. Caroline had been almost cut in half emotionally, wanting to spend every moment with Kate, yet also needing to care for her beautiful new daughter as she knew Kate would want her to.

As Kate became more stable, Caroline would often take Flora to the hospital and lay her on her mother's chest so that they could bond and feel each other's heartbeat. She felt this was helping Kate to fight.

Greg had turned up to the hospital when he heard about Kate; genuinely upset and shocked. He said to Caroline;"Kate is one of my oldest friends and I need to feel that I can help in some way, provided you don't feel I am intruding". Caroline was so exhausted that she agreed. He was a computer programmer and so could work from home. Two days a week he would stay at their house and look after Flora. Celia was on hand to help him but he seemed quite a natural with the baby. Caroline was grateful that he never tried to discuss any on-going relationship with Flora as she knew this was something Kate would need to decide.

After three weeks of agony, the doctors finally gave Caroline the news she had been desperate to hear, Kate was over the worst and she should, with time and rehabilitation, make a full recovery. Three weeks later, Caroline made her last trip to the hospital and this time came home with the love of her life.

Emotionally, Caroline was still a mess and Kate sat waiting for her to arrive home, bracing herself for the conversation she was about to have with her. It was now two weeks since Caroline went back to work and Kate knew well that each moment they were apart was still agony for Caroline. She would receive a text every hour during the day to make sure she and Flora were OK and Caroline would spend her lunch break at her desk on the phone to Kate; all this plus the nightmares and crying sessions were starting to really worry Kate.

She heard the tyres of the car crunch on the gravel and any moment Caroline would walk in looking strained and tired. Within minutes they would be in each other's arms on the lounge and Kate would try to soothe away the tension and fear her wife had carried all day.

"Caroline, you know how worried I am about you; nearly losing us has put such a strain on you both emotionally and physically. You are always so strong for everyone and I want you to have someone who can help you to work through all this."

Caroline sighed and said" You are all I need, you, Flora and the boys, and I will get over it eventually".

Kate took a deep breath and said," No Caroline, this time I am putting my foot down and insisting that you take care of yourself for a change. I have a friend from University, her name is Amy Walker and she is a clinical psychologist. She has a practice not far from here and I have already phoned her and made an appointment for you to see her. I have not told her what it is about because that is your story to tell. Please, go and see her, just give it a try".

Caroline studied Kate's worried face and not wanting to cause her any more strain she agreed to at least go and see Amy. Kate kissed Caroline gently and stroked her face trying to soothe away the tension she could feel there. Caroline felt herself relaxing and pushing away the ever intrusive thoughts of 'what might have been'. Moments later, Kate slipped out of Caroline's arms and left her wife to doze while she responded to the cries of Flora who was stirring in her cot after her afternoon nap.

Later that evening when dinner and dishes were finished, Caroline and Kate sat at the kitchen bench and discussed the recent proposal made by Greg. When Kate came out of hospital, it was obvious she would still need some help with Flora as she became tired quickly. Greg had offered to continue his two days a week until Kate felt strong enough to carry on alone. It was a difficult decision for her as she had always told Caroline that Greg was 'never part of the equation', but his help had been invaluable over the past two months and his growing attachment to Flora was obvious.

Greg had confided in Kate that he was now in a relationship with another woman and they were looking at having a family. His partner knew all about Kate and Flora and was quite at ease with it. However, he was a man of his word and wanted to re-assure them that he would never force an on-going arrangement if that's the way they wanted it. Not wanting to make this a big issue at the moment, Kate suggested that for the next two weeks they leave things as they were and then re-visit the issue.

She was desperately trying to keep the focus on Caroline and her need to find some closure to what had become a terrible trauma. "Amy is a lovely person , I always felt she had something special when we were at Durham. I hope you can find a connection and be able to trust her."

A few seconds later, Caroline's phone started to buzz. As she looked at the screen, Kate saw a frown appear on Caroline's face, "Yes John, what can I do for you? Yes we are home, why do you need to come around, can't you just tell me over the phone?" Looking at Kate she whispered, "something's come up and he wants to come round, are you OK with that?" "Actually no I'm not Caroline. You are under enough pressure and he always brings you some sob story that he expects you to deal with or feel sorry about. Please tell him no." Caroline put the phone back to her face, "John, I'm sorry, it isn't convenient at this moment." she said somewhat reluctantly. She could hear the frustration in his voice as he tried to force the issue. It was something to do with wanting her to go and look at a new flat with him. "I value your opinion Caroline and I have no-one else to ask", he had said rather pathetically. "Not now John, Kate has only been home a few weeks and she still needs all my time." Angrily he muttered something about her not caring about the father of her children and hung up.

Caroline's eyes welled up with tears so Kate walked around the bench and put her arms around her wife and pulled her close into her own body. "Let's have an early night. Flora is sound asleep and Lawrence is doing his homework in his room. We can just be together with some soothing music and I will try to show you why I fought to stay alive". Making love had been a rare and gentle affair since Kate came home as she was still delicate and they were both hesitant in case it caused Kate discomfort. However, they could lie together in each other's arms for hours just soaking up the love that was so strong and the feelings of gratitude that they had been spared the worst thing that could ever have happened to them.

Caroline sat in a rather bright and vibrant waiting room. There was a reception desk and three doors each with the name of a therapist on it. She was staring at the door marked Amy Walker and thinking that she had no desire to be there but would, at this point, do anything for Kate. After about ten minutes, the door opened and a man in his forties with red eyes and a handkerchief to his face walked out. 'Shit' Caroline thought, 'what am I about to walk into'.

Amy came out and faced her "Caroline, would you like to come through? Please take a seat over here. Can I get you a glass of water?" Caroline politely declined and settled into the chair opposite Amy. "Caroline, I'm sure Kate has filled you in a little on how we know each other, but I want to assure you that my focus will be solely on what it is you wish to work on with me and anything we do together will be strictly confidential. We will not to enter into a therapeutic relationship until we have both established that we are comfortable with each other. Are you OK with that?" Caroline replied, "Yes, that's fine. If I am to start by being honest then I have to say that I am only here because Kate is worried about me and really wanted me to come". "I can understand that, thanks for being honest, it is a good start." Amy said as she walked over to her desk.

After a few moments of silence, Amy now armed with a pad and pen started "Can I ask you to just give me a few details about yourself. Just tell me what you are comfortable with and what you want me to know at this point."

Caroline found herself describing her life up until the time she met Kate. It sounded like a very matter of fact story until she reached the point of having her boys and she softened her tone and spoke with affection and love. This was a valuable insight for Amy. As soon as Caroline started to describe how she met and fell in love with Kate, her eyes filled with tears and she could feel a huge knot starting to form in her stomach. Amy asked if she would like a break, Caroline said she would rather continue but steered the conversation away from Kate.

At the end of the fifty minutes Amy thanked Caroline for her openness and suggested that she would be willing to work with her but she would like to give her a chance to decide if it was indeed what she wanted. "I won't make another appointment for you but I have three sessions available next week at these times. Take my card and within the next forty eight hours let me know if you would like to come back." "Thank you Amy, I'll talk it over with Kate and then call you back".

Amy replied, "Caroline, I would leave this one thought with you. These sessions are for you, not you and Kate. Just think about what that means for you." With that she opened the door and Caroline left without a backwards glance.

Caroline sat in her car for a while mulling over the last hour. She had indeed felt comfortable with Amy who was nice enough and she had observed that a therapist's 'listening' had a different intensity to it, not like just talking to a friend and that could mean opening some very big wounds.

When she arrived home, she could smell dinner cooking and hear a child's song playing softly in the kitchen. She stood at the door for a moment and surveyed the scene. Kate was busy at the stove, Flora was gurgling in her rocker and Lawrence was at the dining table doing his homework. Caroline thought she would break with happiness. "Hello you lot, what a scene of domestic bliss this is". Without looking up, Lawrence said "Dad's been round", and then looked at his mother to see the reaction. "Why was he here?" Caroline said rather tentatively. "He was looking for you of course" snapped Kate. Caroline knew immediately that his visit had been anything but pleasant. Sensing the tension, Lawrence excused himself and said he was going to play on his X box until tea was ready.

"He arrived before Lawrence got home from school. I told him no one was home but he said he would like to wait to see Lawrence. So I stupidly let him in and that's when he started talking about what a fool he had been to let you go, all the mistakes he had made and how he missed his home and family". Kate was visibly upset and shaking at this point. "Caroline he doesn't get it! You are my wife now and we have been through hell the last three months and I can't deal with his shit!" Caroline gathered Kate into her arms and tried to soothe her, but Kate was having none of it and almost screamed "This has got to stop, and you are the only one who can make it stop."

At that moment, Caroline knew that her inability to confront this issue head on and deal with it properly was always going to cause heartache for Kate. She had been conflicted about the situation as she was concerned that her sons suffered as little as possible through the break up and divorce. She began to have flash backs to the recurring nightmare where Kate had died and John had come to the house asking her to take him back as her husband. She shuddered and tried to get the image out of her head, something it wasn't easy to do. "I will deal with it darling, trust me this time I will".

Later in bed wrapped around each other as they had taken to sleeping since the accident, Kate whispered softly "I'm sorry, I love you;" Caroline moved in even closer and began to cry softly into her wife's neck. Kate, knew the trauma was still so profoundly difficult said gently, "I'm going to book a cottage by the sea for this weekend and we can get out of here and have some private family time together with no interruptions. We'll ask Lawrence if he wants to come and bring Angus or he can stay at his place. Either way, you are having a complete break." A few moments later Caroline was asleep and Kate prayed hard that she would have a peaceful night with no nightmares or disturbances.

The next day Caroline picked up her mobile and rang Amy's number. An answering machine came on and Caroline said simply, "This is Caroline McKenzie-Dawson. Same time next week please."

A few days later, the two women sat on the deck of a cottage looking out over the beach eating croissants and drinking freshly squeezed juice and coffee. Flora was on a blanket playing with her teddy bear and rabbit. Lawrence had decided on a weekend at Angus's whose parents had been so wonderfully supportive and helpful while Kate was in hospital. Lawrence had almost lived there permanently at one point. A week after Kate came out of hospital, she insisted that Caroline invite them around for dinner to say thank you. They were lovely people and had always fully supported the two women and their relationship and indeed had been the ones to take Lawrence aside and help him gently to see that his mother's happiness was important and he needed to support her too. It had had major impact on Lawrence and he had become far more relaxed at home and his affection for Kate and his baby sister was slowly developing.

"This is lovely Kate. Thanks for thinking of it and yes, my mobile is switched off". Kate laughed and congratulated her wife on her strength of character. Caroline was joined at the hip with her mobile phone normally.

"Caroline, if you feel OK about it, can we talk about what things you might bring up with Amy; what do think are the most pressing issues apart from me nearly dying of course." Kate asked tentatively. Caroline sat silently for a while and then she said. "Well obviously nearly losing you, both of you, was more than I could handle. Remember that day in my office when my mother and Alan had been lost and I cried and said to you how unfair it would have been to have found each other and then died?". "Yes I do. I also remember what happened later that day!" Kate replied a little cheekily. "Well it was like that but multiplied by a thousand for me. While you were desperately ill, I started having horrible dreams and they were so real. I would wake up bathed in sweat and crying. I even had a dream that we had your funeral and your mother was there, she had come over from America. Your mother was here, of course, by your bedside until you were out of danger. Then I started 'seeing' you; which was lovely but also haunting. It was like you were beside me as I tried to cope with everything but you were like a ghost." Kate reached out for Caroline's hand and stroked it gently. They sat in silence for some time.

"Kate, I also know that I have not supported you enough in relation to John. I was thinking about it the other day after he had been round upsetting you. I know him, I know how self centred and needy he is and I have lived with that for years and in some ways it is just easier to give in to him. You deserve better than that. He is not part of your life and nor should I expect him to be. The way he behaves and speaks is so disrespectful of us and our marriage. I haven't done enough to prevent his intrusion. I will try harder."

Kate got out of her seat and lifted Caroline's face to meet hers and kissed her passionately. "You are so courageous my darling. We will get through this together and I'm sure Amy will help you to focus on letting go of all the pain and horror you have, not just around the accident but the negativity you have had to face from people you would least expect it from". Caroline knew that Kate was thinking of Celia and how she had manipulated and hurt Caroline so much while constantly telling her that she really did love her. Ginka, Kate's mother, had been the antithesis of this with her on-going support and love for both of them.

Later that evening with Flora against her mother's chest in a baby sling, they strolled along the deserted beach hand in hand. Caroline thinking how determined she was to overcome all of her issues and focus on the joy she felt at that moment. Kate thinking how happy she was to be alive, to be a mother and to married to the most wonderful woman in the world.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Caroline picked up her phone and called Kate, "don't forget I'll be home late this evening as I have my appointment with Amy after school". "Caroline, this is the fourth time you have said this to me today. Just try to relax and focus on your thoughts for the session. Lawrence and Flora and I will be here when you get home and Lawrence and I will wait to have our dinner with you. You can bath Flora while I finish getting it ready. You know how excited she gets when her mama comes through the door, she adores you." Kate said with a mixture of humour and delight.

Caroline threw her mobile into her handbag and drove to the therapy centre. Amy's door was open when Caroline arrived in reception, and she came out to greet her straight away. After settling into their chairs, the two women began the session. Caroline started by talking to Amy about the rest of her life, talking about Kate, after the choking tears had ended their session last time. She described their falling in love, the hesitation she had felt at 'coming out' publically. She talked of her mother's lack of support and the way she had fought to prevent the relationship developing. She described their wedding day, the joy and happiness she felt at finally being married to the love of her life. Along with this joy, the disappointment of her family and step-sister's reaction to it all and finally 'the accident'. Caroline only managed to get the two words 'Kate's accident' out of her mouth and she began to sob uncontrollably. For the remaining time Amy let her cry and sob until it she became calm.

Amy leant forward and said quietly and sensitively "I think we will leave this for today now Caroline. Do you feel OK to drive home, would you like me to call someone?"

"No thank you, I will be OK. I'll sit in my car for a few minutes until I feel calm enough to drive. It isn't far. Same time next week please?"

Amy replied, "Yes that will be fine. Can I ask that you simply record any bad dreams you have this week and any strong emotional responses you feel are overwhelming." Caroline agree to do that and left Amy's office. This time she turned at the door and in a croaky voice thanked her.

Twenty minutes later she pulled in to her driveway and took a deep breath before opening the front door and walking in to the arms of Kate who had been at the door to greet her. After bathing Flora she went downstairs to eat with Kate and Lawrence. The meal was good and Lawrence filled the air with his stories of the rugby match they had played and won that afternoon and the fact that he had also got a good mark for his chemistry test which he knew would make his professorial mother happy.

Kate recognised the signs of emotional exhaustion in Caroline. After clearing up she disappeared upstairs while Caroline went to her office. She came down fifteen minutes later and taking Caroline upstairs she ushered her into their bathroom where she had run a bath with fragrant bubbles in it; there was a glass of wine on the side of the bath along with candles and soft music. She slowly and gently undressed her wife. Caroline sighed heavily as she lowered her tired body into the soothing water. Kate pulled a stool to the side of the bath and gently began to massage her tired lover. Caroline opened her mouth to start to talk. Kate put her hand over her wife's lips to shush her. "Relax darling, we will talk later in bed if you want to".

Caroline woke the next morning and realised that for the first time in months, she had slept right through the night with no bad dreams and no sweating. She inched over to Kate and wrapped herself around her whispering lovingly;"thank you".

The weekend arrived and Caroline knew she would have to face one of the 'homework' tasks that Amy had set for her. A previous task had been to sort things out with John; she reflected on the encounter.

She had gone out to dinner with John and over a meal had talked frankly and openly with him about the hurt and frustration his behaviour was causing, not just for her but more so for Kate. At first he had been very defensive, blaming Caroline for not forgiving him, taking him back and giving him a second chance. However, this time she was able to tell him firmly and finally, that Kate was the love of her life and her world now revolved around Kate, Flora and her boys. John would need to move on and try to find a new and healthy relationship for himself and in future, the only reason he would have to contact Caroline was if the boys needed something. Furthermore he was not to come to the house unless invited. She was even strong enough to tell him that even if Kate had died, she would not have taken him back. The fact that she was able to say that without a strong emotional response, indicated how far she had come with Amy's help.

That night as she had climbed into bed with Kate, Caroline had held her wife tightly and whispered "It's over". Neither of them felt so delicate that they could not love each other with a passion they had been unable to express for months.

Today it was her mother. "Mum, can I please talk to you, shall we go out for afternoon tea together?" Caroline asked her mother as she stood in the doorway of their little flat at the back of the house. "Yes love, that's OK. Just me or me and Alan, will Kate be coming?" Celia enquired. "No mum, just you and me. There is something I want to talk over with you." "Alright love, will half past two be alright?"

Caroline agreed and went back to the house to tell Kate that she had indeed followed up on Amy's homework from the last session which was to talk with her mother about what it had been like to feel so judged, so pushed aside and to have her relationship with Kate questioned and treated as something she should keep hidden and be ashamed of. Kate was proud of the way Caroline had been so diligent about seeing Amy and putting in to practise all she had recommended

At two thirty precisely, Celia ambled into the driveway and climbed into Caroline's car. Kate and Flora were at the door to wave them off. Fifteen minutes later they walked into a lovely quiet cafe that Caroline had specially chosen and reserved a table in. Celia appeared to be very impressed and asked Caroline what she'd done to deserve this. "Mum, I want to tell you about the last two months and what I have been doing. I have been seeing a therapist, one that Kate knew from University and she has been helping me to work through the terrible time that Kate and I have been through." Celia responded with a wry smile and said" Oh I can't be doing with all that psychobabble stuff. We just have to get on with life and put stuff behind us."

The waitress came and they both ordered. Caroline could feel the bile rising in her throat, she hadn't been looking forward to this and it definitely was Amy's most difficult homework to date.

"Mum, Kate nearly died. I was devastated and you were there for me, I turned to you in my darkest hour and you came through. However I can't just forget the day before when you didn't come to our wedding. It was so horribly hurtful and took the gloss of our wedding day. You even allowed Lawrence to stay at home with you instead of encouraging him to come to his mother's wedding. He was not involved in your fight with Alan. I need to understand why you can't live by your own words and 'put things aside' and do the right thing. I have been a good daughter to you all my life and because I make a life choice that you don't agree with, all that seems to count for nothing."

To Caroline's amazement, Celia began to tear up. She grasped her daughter's hand and very slowly said "Caroline, if the truth were told, I was jealous of Kate. I could see how much you meant to her and she to you and I just felt that I had lost my best friend." She then went on to tell Caroline about the betrayal she felt after Alan's disclosure about Gary and how it all fed in to the same despair that the new life she thought was going to be perfect, was actually not all she expected.

Caroline sat silently looking at her mother for a moment, she could feel something inside her shifting and a slow realisation that Celia had indeed been in despair, but she had put all that aside after Kate's accident. "Mum, I want you in my life, Kate wants you in our lives and Flora loves her nanna. We need to both believe that loving each other doesn't rely on trying to be what the other wants. We need to respect each other and live with what each of us has chosen."

Celia took hold of Caroline's hand and stared at her for several moments, smiling she said, "I do love you, you know." Both mother and daughter laughed heartily at this simple but profound statement, knowing how Celia had used in the past as emotional blackmail. They spent the rest of the afternoon tea talking about Flora and the holiday to America that Caroline and Kate were going to take in the summer to see Grandma Ginika.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Kate looked at her phone and in her head practised the conversation she was going to have with Gillian, who was not usually very subtle, which is something Kate would need her to be.

"Gillian, hi it's Kate here. How are you? I just wanted to run something past you."

"More to the point how are you?" Gillian asked.

"I'm so much better thank you; getting stronger every day. Can I just say again how grateful I am for all the help you gave Caroline looking after Flora every week."

Gillian had brought Calamity to Kate and Caroline's one day each week, on her day off from the supermarket, and looked after Flora. She had also taken her back to the farm for a couple of weekends to give Caroline a chance to get some extra sleep. Caroline and Kate were both happy for her to have Flora as she seemed such a natural with the babies.

"It's the least I could do and Flora is such a love. You know I'll always help out if I can."

"Gillian, you know that Caroline, Flora and I are going to America for a few weeks. Well, I have decided to go ahead of Caroline, before school finishes, so that I can have some extra time with my mum. I was wondering if you would come to Manchester airport with Caroline when we leave"?

"I could yes, but wouldn't the two of you like to be alone?" Gillian asked somewhat bemused.

"The reason I am asking is that I know Caroline is going to find it very hard emotionally to see us go as she is still extremely protective and this will be the first time we have been apart even overnight. If you were there, on the pretext of seeing me and Flora before we go, she might accept it and having you there might soften the blow. It would have to come from you." Kate explained.

"Yea, OK I'll try. I'll ring Caroline and suggest I come and then she and I can have a cuppa at the airport before she drives home."

"Thanks Gillian. Let me know how you get on with her. You might have to push it a bit as you know how independent she can be."

Gillian sat at the kitchen table and thought back to the day of Kate's accident. She had been so annoyed with herself when Caroline's text came back just saying 'thank you' to the horrible message she had sent on their wedding day. She was someone who had always said that she didn't regret anything, but later that day when the doctors told Caroline that Kate's life was in the balance, she realised that she had felt terrible regret at what she had done.

Many times in the last few months she had reflected on the depth of feeling that Caroline and Kate had for each other and how in love they were. She knew that so far, she never felt that. Yes she had experienced strong attraction and sexual desire, but nothing like they seemed to have. She wondered if it would ever happen. Robbie was a strong and dependable fellow, and not too bad in bed, but she was not deeply in love with him. Sometimes she questioned whether she would be able to remain faithful and fend off any potential lovers, for the rest of her life.

Caroline was anxious sitting outside Amy's door today. Kate had dropped a bombshell when she told her that she wanted to leave for America a couple of weeks before her so that she could have extra time with her mum. Ginka had gone back to the States once Kate was stable as she had to resume her lecturing, but through their frequent Skype sessions Kate knew her mother was still upset and Kate wanted to go and allay her fears. It would also give her mother more time with Flora. Kate wanted Flora to have a strong relationship with Ginka as she was going to be the only grandchild she would have.

Caroline understood all this in her head but she was terrified all over again at the prospect of not being able to control what might happen to Kate. Deep down she knew that Amy would see this an 'exposure' situation. She had explained to Caroline that what she had been suffering was a case of Post Traumatic Stress; the nightmares, the waking visions of Kate she had experienced, the inability to sleep, and most of all the gripping fear of anything happening to her wife again. Even small things could set her off. If Kate didn't answer her phone when she rang, she would panic and persist until she did. Amy had challenged Caroline to face some of this head on and find a way to reduce the stress. Now she only sent a text when she arrived at school and when she was leaving, but she still felt the need to talk to Kate during her lunch break. But this, leaving her for two weeks, was going to be a massive trigger.

"Wow, Caroline this will be a big challenge for you. I know that. I do however think that you are in a fairly good place now and if you can let Kate get on that plane and deal with the fear in a calm and constructive way, it will be a massive step forward." Amy said as she looked intently at Caroline to try and assess how she was responding to all this. "Try focussing on the wonderful reunion you will have when you arrive in New York, how happy you will be to see Kate and Flora."

'No shit Sherlock' Caroline thought to herself. You have no idea what that reunion will be like. Then she remembered that Kate had told her that she overused that phrase and she smiled to herself.

Later that evening Caroline's phone rang and it was Gillian.

"Hi Caroline, how are you?"

"Getting there, much better each day. I still have to pinch myself sometimes that Kate is alive and well but generally life is good." Caroline shared.

"I was talking to Kate yesterday, you know just checking how things are, and she told me she is going to America earlier than you. I was thinking, why don't I come to the airport with you to see them off. I'd like to say goodbye to Kate and see little Flora before they go."

"Yeah , why not. I'd like that. It will be company for me on the way home. I'll give you the flight details closer to the time." Caroline then went on to ask about Celia and Alan who were at the farm for a couple of weeks.

Caroline looked across the kitchen bench at Kate who looked very sheepish. "What?" Kate said. Caroline was about to say that she was fully aware that this was a ploy set up by Kate, then she thought better of it and said, "nothing, it's just nice that she wants to come to the airport. We can have a drink together after you've gone." Caroline was acutely aware of the knot in her stomach as she said the words 'after you've gone'. She still had a long way to go.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Caroline could hardly contain her excitement. The worst was over and the best to come very soon.

Kate had arrived safely in New York. Before she left, Caroline had hatched her own plot. She had spoken to one of the cabin crew and explained that Kate had been in a serious hit and run accident recently and would they keep an eye on her and perhaps help with the baby. They had done more than that, as Kate boarded the plane they had upgraded her to Business Class. One of the female cabin crew had become besotted with Flora during the flight and Kate had even managed a snooze.

For Kate, it had been a lovely quiet time with her mother. She and Caroline had spoken on Skype every day so that Caroline could see Flora and talk to her but more that she could check they were both well and safe.

Gillian had confessed after Kate had gone, that coming to the airport was indeed a plan hatched by Kate to have Gillian look after Caroline, who didn't really mind as it was good that Gillian was there to distract her from the agony of the farewell. Caroline had hung on to Kate and Flora at the departure gate as if they were leaving forever. There had been so many final kisses that Gillian had thought Kate would never go. Somewhere in the recesses of her own heart she had felt a twinge of jealousy and regret at what she felt she had missed out on.

The familiar bleeping of Skype on the computer called Caroline into her office. "Hello darling baby how are you." She had cooed at Flora as Kate held her up to the screen.

"I'm waiting for my mama, I'm missing her so much." Kate had answered. "Caroline I can hardly breathe I am so excited. Just think this time tomorrow you will be here and we will be together again. I have missed you like crazy."

"Me too darling; I had my last session with Amy for a while, this evening, and she sent you her regards and said she hoped we had a great holiday."

What a difference two weeks had made. Instead of discussing fear and dread with Amy as when Kate was leaving, she had been over the moon about the reunion. They had discussed how Caroline had coped while Kate was away and apart from a couple of difficult experiences, Caroline had done remarkably well. Amy had suggested a break of a couple of months so that Caroline could have a rest and consolidate all that they had worked on.

"Go to bed now Caroline, it's getting late and you have an early start. Is William still driving you to the airport?" Kate asked.

"Yes he and Roxy will take me. Lawrence has decided he will stay with John while I'm away and John asked me if I minded if he took Lawrence to Spain for a couple of weeks. I have some reservations but I have to trust he will be responsible." Caroline reluctantly finished the conversation and signed off.

Caroline's plane touched down on time at JFK airport and within thirty minutes she was walking out of the arrival gate into Kate's arms, where they exchanged several very passionate and public kisses, much to the delight of those who witnessed them. Caroline suddenly realised that Flora was missing. "Kate where's Flora, is she OK." she asked with some panic in her voice.

"You are going to have to wait another twenty four hours to see her I'm afraid; Grandma insisted on some special quality time for the two of them and even better, for the two of us. Mum has booked a hotel in the city for us tonight. She said she wanted it to be very special and it was her gift."

Kate hailed a taxi and within a short time they arrived at a very impressive hotel in the heart of New York. They went to the reception desk and this time it was Kate who stepped forward and very confidently said, "Kate and Caroline McKenzie Dawson checking in." The desk clerk looked at them, beamed and said," Ah yes, your mother has booked something very special for you, we do hope you enjoy your stay, please let us know if there is anything you need." With that she handed over the key and the bell boy took their luggage and asked them to follow him.

As the door to their room opened, they both stopped in their tracks and gasped. Ginka had booked a deluxe suite for them. It had a beautiful lounge with plush leather couches and doors which opened out on to a balcony with an open air spa. The bedroom had a luxurious king sized bed with silk sheets. There were rose petals scattered on the pillows, soft music playing and a beautiful scented candle burning. Back in the lounge, there was a platter of fresh fruit and a bottle of French champagne on ice. They were both speechless as they looked round at the opulence.

The bell boy fixed their luggage and then told them that dinner would be served in their room at eight that evening.

"Wow, mum has really excelled herself, how wonderful is this Caroline?"

Caroline didn't speak; she simply drew Kate into her arms and began to cry. Kate held her tightly and comforted her. After a few moments Caroline said, "Kate, this time my tears are just pure joy and relief."

With that they headed for the bedroom and for the next two hours they made, sometimes gentle sometimes passionate, love until they were both left exhausted but feeling complete again. Caroline let the relief flood her body, senses and emotions, as at last she could begin to believe that they were going to be safe and could look to the future with hope.

They enjoyed a spa together on their private balcony champagne in hand and talked non- stop about what they had both being doing, who they had seen, and how the school term had finished. At eight o'clock, there was a knock on the door and a waiter rolled in a trolley on which was a most delicious meal and perfectly matched wines. They had decided not to bother getting dressed, they knew that the gorgeous, luxurious robes that they were wearing would not be on for long after they had enjoyed this gastronomical treat.

The next morning, they lay soaking up the joy of waking up together again.

"God, I will love Ginka forever for this Kate. What a wonderful gift, how thoughtful. I am so looking forward to holding my gorgeous daughter and hugging her grandma." Caroline whispered to Kate.

"Mum has booked a car to take us to her apartment at eleven o'clock. Breakfast isn't coming until half past nine, I can think of a great way to fill in the time." Kate said with her huskiest voice, which made Caroline giggle. As she moved closer to Kate, she closed her eyes and thought 'thank you Amy'.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

The door to Ginka's apartment opened and Flora's face lit up with a beautiful smile when she saw Caroline. She stretched out her arms and Caroline swept her up, covering her face with kisses and nuzzling into her neck. She had not forgotten the sweet smell of her baby daughter. She transferred Flora to her hip and put her free arm around Kate's mother and held her close.

"How can we thank you for last night. It was amazing, you are amazing. It was just what Kate and I needed and to know that you planned it all for us blew us both away, it meant the world to us."

"Caroline, look at this scene, eighteen months ago, it wasn't even on my horizon. You make Kate so happy and your support for her made it possible for me to have this beautiful granddaughter, despite a few hiccups along the way. Anything I can do to make the three of you happy and keep you safe and secure, I will do. I'm so glad you enjoyed last night." She said with a wink at both of them.

Later that evening, Caroline and Ginka sat together while Kate was bathing Flora and getting her ready for bed. There was an ease between the two of them. Caroline was impressed by Ginka's intellectual capacity and her wealth of knowledge. She also saw the softer and simpler side of her which Kate had inherited in bucketfuls.

Ginka's family had migrated to the States when she was a child and after finishing University she had been offered a Rhodes Scholarship in England. This is where she met James McKenzie. He was a handsome and highly educated man quite a bit older than Ginka. They had married and had Kate, who was the apple of her father's eye. Kate adored him and he was devoted to her. However as the years passed, it became apparent that James and Ginka were not on the same wave length in so many ways. As soon as Kate went off to Durham, Ginka had divorced James and changed her name back to Abike, her maiden name, and taken up a post at Columbia University. Kate had opted to stay in England to be on hand to help care for her father, who by now had developed Alzheimers.

"Caroline, when Kate married Richard, I never really felt a deep sense of contentment in either me or her. On the surface of it, she seemed happy enough, but a mother knows when her child has doubts about things. After the tragedy of Kate's miscarriages, I watched them drift apart and I knew then, that he was not her soul mate."

Caroline nodded. So much of what Ginka was saying was her own experience with John, except thankfully, she had conceived her two boys without a struggle.

Ginka continued, "With you two, it is so different. When Kate had her accident, I watched you. I saw how much you love Kate and what you would have given to save her life. How your own life was completely put on hold while you cared for her and Flora. That has come at a huge price for you, I know. Kate has shared a little of the trauma you have been through. I only wish I could have been there longer to help."

Caroline hugged Ginka and said, as her eyes filled with tears. "You must know that I feel so blessed knowing that right from the start you have supported Kate and my relationship. My own mother has had such a hard time coming to terms with it all. She has a different outlook on life to you. Her marriage fell apart too, but she was not able to move away from it unlike you. She stayed, and I think in some ways it hardened her. She was such a good mother to me but as I got older, cutting the apron strings was difficult. She didn't have a career, like you, to focus on and it was hard for her to see me make decisions she didn't agree with. "

"Yes she did admit that to me one day when she and I were having a chat in the cafe at the hospital.". Ginka replied.

Caroline continued, "When my marriage to John fell apart, I think she was shocked that I moved into a relationship with Kate. I can remember her saying to me; 'why can't you just be friends'. That would have been acceptable to her, and, even when we became lovers and Kate moved in, mum was OK with it at home but felt any public acknowledgement would humiliate me and make me look a fool."

At that moment, Kate appeared with a now fed and bathed Flora who she handed over to her wife. Flora snuggled in to Caroline and within a few minutes she was asleep. Caroline gently carried her into their bedroom and laid her in the portable cot.

Over dinner the three of them talked about what they might do in the four weeks they had. Lecturing was over for the summer break and so Ginka had time to be with them and show them the sights.

They had a wonderful time. Caroline and Flora were introduced to quite a few of Kate's extended family, uncles, aunts and cousins, all of whom were entranced by Flora. They all seemed at ease with Kate's marriage to another woman and welcomed Caroline wholeheartedly.

There were sight-seeing days when they went on the tourist routes. Other days they chilled out at the appartment. Each day, Kate noticed Caroline relaxing more and more and sleeping so soundly and contentedly at night. There had been no nightmares or emotional lows since she arrived in New York. The deep bags under Caroline's eyes were receding and her face was less tense and pale. All she could hope for was that this would continue when they got home.

The night before they were due to leave, Ginka had taken Kate and Caroline out to a lovely restaurant for their final meal. One of Kate's cousins had come over to babysit Flora. Out of the blue Ginka looked at Caroline and said, "There is a prestigious appointment coming vacant at Columbia for a consultant education researcher Caroline. You have what it takes to apply for the position and I have quite a lot of influence and could put in a good word for you."

Caroline's draw jopped and she stared first at Kate and then at Ginka. "Oh I couldn't possibly uproot and move here Ginka, not at the moment. I have Lawrence, William and my own mother to think about. There's Kate's job too." she said.

"Oh no Caroline, it wouldn't mean that. It is a consultancy job. You would be expected to submit research papers which could be done from home and come over to Columbia four times a year for a week to lecture and advise post graduate students on their dissertations. You would be offered a retainer". Ginka explained. "you don't have to decide before you leave, it is a month before they call for final applications."

Later in the evening as Caroline and Kate lay in bed in, Kate found herself staring at the ceiling with a feeling of excitement spreading through her. She didn't speak because she knew that Ginka's offer had unsettled Caroline, who was also lying silently thinking.

"Penny for your thoughts" Caroline asked after a while.

"Oh Caroline I don't know if I should say what I am thinking. I know mum's suggestion took you by surprise and really only you can decide if it is what you might want to do." Kate replied.

"Well yes in one way that's true darling, but it is a decision we will have to make together as impacts on you too. What's your thinking so far?" Caroline continued.

"This is what I have been getting excited about. You could resign from Sulgrave. Leeds University have approached you several times to lecture. So I'm thinking you could do part time lecturing there, your research for Columbia at home and then four times a year you would come here, stay with mum and do your work. Maybe twice in the year, Flora and I could come with you." Kate explained.

She continued, "Remember, I am due to return to work at the beginning of the new school year. If you took this job, you could work from home and have Flora. On the days you are working at the university, or if you needed quiet time to write sometimes, she can go to child care. It's perfect Caroline."

"It certainly sounds enticing when you put it like that. I suppose I have to work out whether I have succeeded in meeting all the challenges I set for myself at Sulgrave. I feel confident that I could do the job at Columbia and it would certainly be a new intellectual challenge for me. A big plus is that I and we get to see much more of Ginka and your family here. It's important for Flora too." Caroline reflected.

Kate responded by snuggling into Caroline and whispering, "well we don't have to decide right now do we and I have other things starting to take over my thoughts."

The next day, there was a teary goodbye as they left Ginka at the departure lounge. She had promised to come to Harrogate for a week before she started back at work in September. Caroline hinted that the prospect of the job at Columbia was looking very enticing and she and Kate would have a good talk about it once they were home.

Caroline and Kate settled in to their economy class seats, with Flora between them. Caroline happy and relaxed and Kate excited that for both of them a new chapter in their lives was about to begin.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

The chapel at the crematorium was thankfully quite small as there were not too many people there to farewell Douglas McKenzie. Kate had received a phone call two weeks after their return from America, to say that her father had died quietly and peacefully in his sleep the night before.

For both Kate and Caroline, this was a tipping point; Kate because she adored her father and she felt the sense of loss all over again, just as she had when he stopped recognising her; Caroline because she was thrown once again into the recurring nightmare of Kate's death and funeral.

As they were getting ready in the morning, Kate found her wife sitting on the edge of the bed in her underwear shaking and sweating. This had not happened since they returned home.

Caroline looked up at Kate and said, "I don't know if I can do this. I'm afraid I will break down at the service. All I can see right now is the coffin that your body was in and the doors opening and swallowing you up."

"I don't know what to say Caroline. I have to go, he's my father, and apart from one cousin, I'm all he has. Mum isn't coming you know that." Kate said rather tensely. "I can't stay here and look after you. Why don't you try ringing Amy, we still have time and she might be able to talk you through what you are feeling."

Caroline managed to say "I thought I was over this" in between the wracking sobs that seemed to be consuming her. She really had been so happy and content in the last few weeks. But then there hadn't really been anything to challenge her new state of equilibrium. "I'll try to call Amy, but she probably has a client."

She called Amy's number and it went straight to answering machine. Managed to string a few words together and leave a message for Amy, she asked her to ring back if she could within the next hour.

Kate sat down beside Caroline and held her saying. "This will be different because it won't be me in the coffin. I will be right beside you, holding your hand and I will keep you safe and you will console me. It's what we do you and me, we can be so strong together. I have to go now and dress Flora; once she's ready I'll come back here."

A few moments later Caroline's phone rang and it was Amy. "Caroline, what's happened." After listening to what she was experiencing Amy said," Remember we talked about this Caroline. Sometimes something will just trigger your traumatic response. It can't be helped. It's all part of the on-going stress and you know that, you just have to get through each set back, and it will get better. In your case it has been ten steps forward and today, one step back."

There was a silence then Caroline said, "Of all days this had to happen. I need to be there for Kate. Her father has just died for God's sake. She's alive and well and I should be able to do that, be there for her. Instead I'm a quivering mess and now she has to try and get me through it as well as herself."

"Caroline I can't talk to you for long as I have a client due. I am going to be rather directive and tell you what I think you should do. Just try to focus now on getting dressed, that's all, just putting on each item of clothing. When you are ready, pick up Flora and concentrate on her. When you get to the crematorium keep Flora on your lap. Hold Kate's hand and just feel her presence. If you can't look at the coffin, don't, just look at Kate." There was a pause, then Amy broke the silence, "Caroline are you listening to me?"

"Yes I am. I'll try to do what you suggest, I really need to get through this and be there for Kate."

"Text me when the funeral is over to let me how you are; If necessary I'll stay back and see you later this afternoon. I have to go now." With that, Amy hung up.

Caroline slowly eased herself off the bed, walked to her wardrobe and picked out a suitable dress and jacket to wear. She could feel her breathing starting to become less laboured and she consciously tried to slow it down.

A few moments later, Kate came back into the bedroom. Caroline told her what Amy had suggested and she agreed and thought it was a good plan. Caroline slowly and thoughtfully finished dressing herself and then went downstairs and picked up Flora who was asleep.

"Mum are you OK?", Lawrence asked staring intently at his mother. "You look very shaky". Lawrence knew very little of his mother's trauma. She had tried very hard not to expose him to it as he had his own issues that still confronted him.

"Yes I'm OK. I'm just upset for Kate and it sort of makes me think about how she nearly died. It still haunts me a bit." Caroline replied.

"I'll sit beside you at the funeral mum. If you need to you can lean on me, or I can hold Flora if you want me to." Lawrence offered.

Caroline could feel the tears welling up as she listened to her son's concern for her.

"Caroline we have to go now. The undertaker will be waiting for us." Kate said as she gently took her hand. She had opted not to bring the coffin to the house as she knew that it had been part of Caroline's nightmare, seeing Kate's coffin in the drive.

They climbed into the Jeep and strapped Flora into her baby seat. Kate and Caroline sat together in the back seat holding on tightly to each other, as William was driving. Alan followed in his car with Lawrence. Celia had offered to stay at home and prepare a small buffet for the few guests that Kate had invited back to the house.

As they pulled into the car park of the Crematorium, Caroline saw the hearse for the first time. She quickly looked away and tried to slow her breathing. She did as Amy had suggested and kept her eyes on Flora.

Kate walked off to meet the guests as they filed into the chapel.

True to his word, Lawrence sat beside his mother and held her. Alan had placed himself right behind Caroline and gently put a hand on her shoulder. Caroline had a firm hold on Kate's hand and Flora was in her car seat on the floor in front of them.

The celebrant walked in and began. It was a simple, dignified service. At one point Kate got up to read a poem in memory of her father. Caroline picked up Flora and held her tightly as her wife left her side. As the doors opened and the coffin slid silently through them, Caroline forced herself to look it and she whispered, "Goodbye Douglas, I'm sorry we never got to know each other. You must have been special to give me Kate." Then, turning to face her, she put her arm around Kate's shoulders and pulled her gently in to her, wiping away the tears rolling down her wife's face.

Half an hour later, they were all back at the house. True to her word, Celia had managed to put on lovely refreshments and acted as the gracious hostess.

Caroline slipped away into her office to send a text to Amy. 'I'm OK. Got through it. Thanks for your strategies. No need to stay back. I can wait until next week. C.'

Once everyone had gone, Celia made a pot of tea for her, Alan, Caroline and Kate. William and Lawrence had gone to see their father for the evening.

"Are you both alright". Alan asked in a concerned voice. "Celia and I do know how hard it has been these past few months, for both of you. You've had a bad time. You know we'll always help you in any way we can." Kate got up and gave Alan a tender kiss on the cheek. "You've both been amazing and Caroline and I are so grateful to you, especially when I was in hospital."

Caroline nodded to Kate who nodded back, then she looked at them and said, "this might be a good time to tell you some news, some good news".

"O God you're not pregnant again are you Caroline or you Kate." blurted out Celia.

Carolina and Kate burst out laughing, "Mum that's ridiculous. No we are not pregnant. There would have to be a star in the east for that to happen!" Caroline joked. "Thank God" said Celia. "Alan and I can't manage anymore what with Calamity and Flora."

"No mum, it's a little less drastic than that." and she went on to explain the new position she had just been offered with Columbia University; two days of lecturing at Leeds University, the research work for Columbia and the chance to have Flora at home some days each week. The Board of Governors at Sulgrave were quite devastated to receive Caroline's resignation and they had asked her to stay on until half term while they tried to find a replacement. Kate had been appointed Head of Languages as the incumbent had decided to retire during holidays.

When the two women eventually climbed into bed, they looked at each other, seeing the lines of weariness. Kate looked at Caroline and said, "See I told you we can face anything together. You were magnificent today,"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

In less than a week, Caroline and Kate were due back at school for the start of the new school year. Ginika had been over as she promised and brought with her all the paperwork for Caroline to sign for her new consultancy work at Columbia. It felt momentous to Caroline, as she reflected on how her life had and was changing in what seemed such a relatively short space of time. She had divorced, re-married, had a child and now a new career, all in the space of less than two years, but she had never been happier.

She had resumed her appointments with Amy, especially in light of her difficulties with Kate's father's funeral. As usual, Amy was able to help her understand the triggers that could set her back and what strategies worked for her in those situations. Caroline knew that she was getting stronger and more resilient all the time and the memories of the accident less vivid.

Today was going to be difficult for both of them as it was the sentencing day for the two young offenders who had knocked Kate down. Her barrister, David, was going to represent them in court as neither Of them wished to be there. David had read their victim impact statements to the court prior to sentencing. Kate had asked him to ring her when it was all over and around four o'clock that afternoon, her phone rang. "Darling, its David." Kate shouted. Caroline came over and sat beside her while she took the call.

"Kate its David here; The judge came down pretty hard on them; the young man who was driving was sentenced to seven years jail and the other boy who is still a minor, to three years in juvenile detention." He waited for Kate's response. "Thank you for letting us know and thank you for all the help and support you've given us through this sorry saga. I guess there are no winners are there. I'm just glad it's over." she replied quietly.

"Kate there is some good news for you though. Because the car was stolen, there is no insurance cover of course but the judge ordered that all your court cost be covered by the boys' families and he awarded you one hundred and fifty thousand pounds from the victims of crime scene. You should get that within three months once the paperwork has gone through. I'll lodge all that for you as soon as possible." David explained.

"Thank you so much. I'll be in touch in the next few days." Kate answered.

The two women sat together in silence for a while allowing all that they had just heard, to sink in and percolate.

Caroline was the first to speak. "Closure Kate, that's what this is for both of us. It's one big boulder that's been pushed off the road and we can walk past it now and get on with our lives. We have to try and see it that way. I don't think either of us wants to see two young people locked up, but they have to know what they did to you, Flora and me and how bad it could have been."

"Yes you're right. It doesn't feel that good, but I am so very glad it's all over." Kate agreed.

Neither of them at this stage, felt they could focus too much on the large sum of money they were about to get.

Monday came and both Caroline and Kate were rushing to get ready for work and get Flora organised. Celia and Alan had agreed to look after her for the first week so that they could see how she was when neither mother was there for a whole day. After that, they had organised for Gillian to do a day a week as she had when Kate was in hospital. They wanted Flora to have time with Calamity so that she would have the company of another child. They had insisted that Gillian be paid the going rate for baby homecare and her travel costs from Halifax. Gillian was glad of this as it was a day she would not be able to take an extra shift at the supermarket. Until Caroline left Sulgrave, Alan and Celia would do one day and Flora would go to day care for the other three days.

Kate was teary as she left the house and her baby daughter for the day. Flora appeared quite content in Alan's arms as they waved the car away down the drive.

Arriving at school, Kate saw the sign at the gate, 'Principal – Caroline McKenzie-Dawson' for the first time. She thought her heart would burst and she put her hand on Caroline's thigh and stroked her affectionately. She looked at her wife and said, "Have you any idea how wonderful seeing that makes me feel?" Caroline lifted Kate's hand from her thigh and kissed the back of it gently.

As they pulled into her designated parking spot, Caroline said,"You and I are going to be flat out today. Why don't you ring mum at morning tea time and I'll check at lunch and then we'll text each other later in the afternoon when we're ready to leave."

Kate agreed and they got out of the car and went their separate ways.

As Caroline walked into her office, Beverley followed her with a notepad. "It's a very busy day today Caroline. The most important of which is that you get yourself to morning tea in the staff room. The second most important is that you have an interview with Gavin and two members of the board for the first candidate for your replacement."

It was not usual procedure for the departing Principal to be on the interviewing panel for their successor but Gavin had insisted that they wanted Caroline's input as they felt she had done a splendid job putting the school on the map.

Caroline had read the application over the weekend and had a niggling feeling that she knew this person. Dr Margaret Connor was also an Oxford graduate and her CV was exceptional. One thing Caroline had noted, was that all her previous school appointments were in church run schools.

At ten thirty Beverley called out to Caroline that she should hurry to the staff room as morning tea was about to start. As she approached the door to the staffroom she could hear lots of laughter coming from inside. To her amazement, the staff room was full of streamers and balloons some saying 'just married'; others 'welcome back; others 'congratulations on your baby'. Kate was already there surrounded by a group of her colleagues. As Caroline walked further into the room, Kate came over and stood by her. Gavin quietened the room and said," Everyone, please. Today, we have so much to celebrate and be thankful for; Caroline and Kate's wedding, Kate's miraculous recovery from her accident and the safe birth of Flora." The staff cheered and clapped and many of them came forward and gave the pair a hearty handshake or in some cases, a hug.

It slowly dawned on both of them that the accident had happened so soon after their wedding that there had been no opportunity for the staff to congratulate them. Then Kate had been so unwell that everything had been put on the back burner.

As there were no students in attendance today, a staff day, they were able to have a leisurely morning tea. It was wonderful to see how accepting they all were of the marriage and how happy they were to see Kate safe and well. The happy couple even managed 'balcony kiss' at their colleagues' request. Caroline in particular was overcome with the affection and support she felt from them all. As they were wrapping up and people were drifting back to their desks, Kate slipped over to Caroline and told her that she had phoned home and all was well with Flora.

A moment later, Beverley walked in with Margaret Connor, who was there for her interview. Beverley introduced Margaret to Caroline who instantly recognised her and put out her hand saying" Molly goodness me, I had no idea it was you, I remember you as Molly Flynn."

Margaret shook Caroline's hand warmly and said," Connor is my married name of course and I use Margaret, as Molly is the name I got from my friends at Oxford." Caroline and Molly had lived in the same college for three years although they had studied different subjects. Neither of them would say that they had a lot in common but they had got on well enough and spent social time together in larger groups.

Molly looked around and saw all the decorations, "It looks as though you've had a celebration for someone here today." Caroline hesitated for a moment and at that point Beverley jumped in and said" We certainly have, we are celebrating Caroline's wedding to Kate who is Head of Languages, and Kate's recovery from a very bad hit and run accident. It nearly killed her and their unborn child. Fortunately Flora is OK and Kate is well now. It has been a long road for them both. Today is the first time we have had a chance to celebrate with them."

Caroline noticed Molly looking quite uncomfortable, obviously by her lack of congratulations she did not know what to say. Caroline broke the tension and said, "Shall we go to the boardroom where the interview will be held?" As they walked along, in an attempt to keep everything neutral, Caroline pointed out various buildings and faculties until they arrived to meet the other board members and the interview got underway.

Later, as they got into the car to go home, Caroline looked at Kate and said," I know the candidate for today's interview, I was at Oxford with her. It will be 'God help us' if she gets the job Kate. She was a conservative Christian even at Oxford and I would say from the things she was saying, that she has consolidated that over the years."

Kate replied simply,"Oh well we'll just have to wait and see; now wife, home to our family."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Kate got up early and after a quick shower went downstairs to prepare a special breakfast. Today was a double celebration. It was Caroline's birthday and also her last day at Sulgrave. Thankfully, Flora and Lawrence were not awake yet and so she had a free run to get everything ready.

She picked a fresh rose from the garden and placed it on the tray she was preparing. She cooked some scrambled eggs and toast and brewed some coffee. Then she carefully placed a small box on the tray. She had bought Caroline an eternity ring for her birthday. It was white gold with three diamonds set into the band. Kate had wanted to give Caroline another ring as she had given her a most beautiful engagement ring.

As she climbed the stairs, carefully balancing the tray, she felt butterflies in her stomach. She really hoped Caroline would be thrilled with her gift. She set the tray down on the bedside table and leant over her wife whispering gently, " Happy birthday darling." Caroline stirred and woke with Kate's face poised ready to kiss her. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against Kate's. "Wow this is lovely, what a surprise, thank you my love." She murmured sleepily. Kate put the tray onto Caroline's lap and then climbed on the bed beside her.

Caroline carefully smelled the rose and surveyed the beautiful breakfast. Then her eyes rested on the box and she looked up at Kate and said. "Is this for me?" She opened the box and gasped , "Oh my God darling it's beautiful." Kate took the ring out of the box and slowly pushed it on to Caroline's finger saying , "This is to tell you that I will love you forever, for eternity and longer."

Tears filled Caroline's eyes as she gazed at her wife wondering if life could be any more perfect than this. Her love for Kate was so deep it took her breath away when she thought about it.

After Caroline had finished her breakfast, Kate brought Flora in and put her in bed with her mama. The two of them lay side by side and Flora gurgled and smiled. Lawrence popped his head around the door, "Are you awake Ma," he called out. "Yes I am, come in." Lawrence jumped on to the bed and pushed a roughly wrapped parcel at his mother. "Hope you like it Ma." Caroline opened the present and found a lovely pashmina scarf in Caroline's favourite colours. She leaned over and kissed him " Its really lovely, thank you Lawrence."

"Sorry to break up the party you lot but, you need to get up, it's a big day today. We don't want to be late." Kate shouted up the stairs.

Twenty minutes later Caroline came downstairs dressed in one of her best power suits. She looked magnificent. The school was breaking up for half term and they were having a special assembly to farewell Caroline and welcome the new Head. She needed to look her best.

Despite pulling out all the stops and trying every angle, Caroline had failed to persuade the Board that Margaret Connor would not be the right 'fit' for Sulgrave. Dr Connor had fantastic qualifications and a wealth of experience running schools. Gavin had been on board with Caroline but the others had out voted him.

Kate swung the car into the school drive and for the last time, they parked in the Head Teacher spot. Beverley had organised a special lunch for all the staff. The students only had a half day and they were leaving at noon. Kate had organised for Celia and Alan to drive Flora to school for the lunch as the staff had been asking to see her. Caroline spent the morning in her office with Molly (she really couldn't cope with Margaret after all these years) showing her where everything was and running through last minute details. Beverley came in and started to give them the final run down on the assembly.

"This is the seating arrangement for the stage Caroline, of course Kate will be up there with you and she will sit beside you. Dr Connor will sit on the other side with her husband." Caroline watched as Molly drew in breath and faced her and said. "Caroline I'm sorry but I don't think it's appropriate that Kate be on the stage with you, as your, err, partner, it sends the wrong message to the students."

The colour drained from Beverley's face and she opened her mouth to speak, (she had always been utterly loyal to Caroline and very protective). Caroline raised her hand to stop Beverley from speaking. Her face turned to thunder and she said very firmly, "Molly, I am still in charge of this school until four, last time I looked at my watch we still have several hours to go. Kate will sit exactly where she has been placed on the plan. You also need to know that I shall be referring to her several times during my speech, as my wife." With that she left the room. When Gavin arrived Caroline relayed the conversation to him and said," I warned you."

Assembly started and the atmosphere on the stage was not exactly relaxed. Kate sensed something was wrong but Caroline had decided not to tell her about the conversation with Molly until they were at home. The school captain came up on to the stage. She turned and beamed at Caroline and Kate and then walked over to the microphone. " Dr Elliot, oops sorry force of habit, Dr McKenzie- Dawson, I know I speak on behalf of all the students when I say we are going to miss you so much. Since you came here you have created a strict but exciting learning environment and you have made us all feel valued. There is a lot less bullying and the students and their families all feel they are worthwhile. It doesn't matter what our background is, we feel accepted and safe. We were so excited when you and Ms McKenzie got married and had your little baby and we were all so relieved when Ms McKenzie survived her accident. She is a brilliant teacher too. We wish you every success in your new career and hope that you will sometimes come and visit us." With that she walked over to Caroline and handed her a gift and bouquet of flowers. Caroline stood up and hugged her. The whole student body came to its feet and applauded for the longest time. Lawrence felt his heart swelling in his chest. Unlike a few months ago he was now so proud of his mother and step mother.

Margaret Connor and her wimpy looking husband (Caroline had decided he was wimpy as soon as she set eyes on him) managed a half hearted smile.

Caroline rose to her feet and walked over to the microphone. She turned her head back to look at Kate and then faced the gathering and said, "Kate, my wife, and I would like to thank you all for the tremendous support you have given us in the last few months. Many of your parents sent cards and well wishes which really made us feel very cared for. I have always felt privileged to be the Head Teacher of Sulgrave. You young women and men always do us proud. You work hard, you try to live by our values of respect, care and dignity and we always seem to get through any problems together, as a team. I thank you for making my time here so special and rewarding. I am sad to be leaving, but my wonderful wife will keep me up to date with you all. Thank you."

Again there was thunderous applause and the student body rose to its feet. Caroline turned back to the folk on the stage, she hugged Kate first, then Gavin and lastly a very teary Beverley. She walked over to Molly and staring her in the face, smiled and put out her hand. She received a limp and lukewarm shake.

The caterers had done a magnificent job and the luncheon went off well. Caroline received so much affirmation she actually wondered if they had the right person! She made a very heartfelt and humorous speech making fun of herself a lot of the time, even Michael Dobson managed to laugh. Celia and Alan had arrived during the formal speeches and stood at the back of the hall with a sleeping Flora. They were so proud of Caroline. Flora was now in full swing at the lunch and was being passed from one doting, cooing staff member to another. Molly was at least gracious enough to come over and make some remark about her being 'a sweet little thing'.

As they drove away from the school, Caroline got out her mobile phone, "Gillian, hi it's me. I'm just ringing to say happy birthday. Sorry I couldn't get to it before now it's been a big day. Would your lot like to come over tomorrow for lunch and a leisurely afternoon, we can celebrate our joint birthday. That's great, see you all about twelve."

As soon as they reached the house, Caroline went upstairs to change into something more comfortable. Kate followed her up with a sleeping baby who she put into her cot. "I was so proud today, you were so composed and dignified." Kate said as she slipped her arms around Caroline's waist. "I'm going to miss you so much at school, where am I going to park?" Caroline turned round and grinned at Kate, pulling her face towards her, kissing her deeply and then saying, "you are so cheeky sometimes!"

In bed that night, Kate asked Caroline why she had looked tense as she came into the assembly hall. Caroline recalled the conversation with Molly about the so called 'example' she was setting. In her usual style Kate just replied 'that's a bit...'. She scooped Caroline up into her arms and they both laughed as Kate said "I wonder if Mr Wimp is also Mr Limp, and that's why they are so uptight. Let's give her something to think about; remember this morning I told you I would love you for eternity, well it starts now." They made love to each other giggling and commentating as they did 'I wonder if Molly likes this, I wonder if Molly knows how to do this'

Later as they lay together feeling satisfied and sleepy, Caroline said to Kate, "I think there is something I should tell you about Molly; it may help you to understand where she is coming from." She went on to explain that when they were at Oxford, Molly had confided in Caroline that she felt attracted to another female student. She knew that Caroline had 'those tendencies' and asked for advice and support. Caroline had suggested she needed to see how the relationship with the other woman developed and then decide whether or not she was gay. Molly had reacted quite badly and told her in no uncertain terms, that not only God, but her family would see it as deviant behaviour and she needed to overcome it.

Not long after, Caroline noticed that Molly rarely came to anything social and spent a lot of her time with a rather fundamentalist church group. After Oxford, they had lost touch with each other on a personal level. Caroline had occasionally run into her name in educational circles but obviously she had married and Caroline did not know her married name and so had lost contact.

Kate pondered for a while and then said, "well you'd think she would understand a bit more if she's been through it herself. Love is love that's it. You fall in love with whoever you fall in love with. I thought I was in love with Richard, you loved John and for a while it all felt right. But you and I know when your soul mate comes along, that's it. It's different isn't it darling?" Caroline nuzzled in to Kate and twirled her new ring," It sure is. I can't imagine not being with you, not loving you, not ever."

The next day was a lovely family day. All of the Greenwood clan were there plus Gary and his wife. William and Roxy were up from Oxford. Angus was over with Lawrence. Kate and Roxy had made some delicious salads and jacket potatoes and William and Raff were barbecuing steak and sausages. Caroline and Gillian had busied themselves getting the table ready and preparing everything else. Ellie was entertaining the babies. Celia and Alan were sitting in the sun, as they looked at each other Alan said, "Well Celia who would have thought that our two little families would have grown this big in the last couple of years. We've been through a lot of ups and downs but we're all still here."

As the afternoon wore on, Gillian noticed that every moment they could, Kate and Caroline would look lovingly at each other, hold hands if they were close and touch each other if they passed in the kitchen or lounge. She felt that deep sense of emptiness again and resolved that she would make more of an effort to build a more committed relationship with Robbie.

At one moment during the lunch, Caroline had realised that John wasn't there and for the first time she had no sense of obligation or regret. It felt good to be in that space and she congratulated herself on getting there.

The half term holiday went well and soon it was time for Kate to go back to work and Caroline to begin her new career in earnest. She was really looking forward to the challenge of the research and lecturing, but having Flora at home some days was going to be the best. She did however have a niggling worry about how Kate was going to be treated by Molly. She told herself that Kate was well enough and strong enough to take care of herself and she must not interfere.

Caroline's phone buzzed. It was a text from Kate. 'Hi darling you'll never guess what M said to me today. Tell you when I get home." K xx


	9. Chapter 9

The Final Chapter

_This chapter draws to a close this little story. It was my intention to offer a scenario which could see Kate back in series 4, whilst taking nothing from the series 3 storyline, and to demonstrate that there is enough drama in happiness to keep most of us engaged. I hope I have gone some little way to achieving both. Thank you for your support during the process._

Caroline pulled Kate down on to the lounge in Ginka's apartment. "Ok that's enough, wrapping presents, preparing food, I'm tired Kate."

They had decided to have Christmas in New York as Caroline had been lecturing and tutoring at Columbia before the Christmas break. Kate had opted to go with her, as had Lawrence. Ginka was thrilled to have them come and she was enjoying having the sound of family around her, something she had missed for so many years. The last two days had seen a flurry of shopping, wrapping and setting up the tree and decorations. Flora was crawling now and it was a full time job to keep her out of everything. The atmosphere in the flat was one of excitement and fun. Lawrence was in awe of New York and had dragged Kate around to all the places a seventeen year old would want to see.

Caroline was in her element lecturing and tutoring her post graduate students. It was so stimulating for her and they were very appreciative of her input. Kate was well into her role as Head of Languages and her health was improving all the time.

Now, everyone else had gone to their room and Kate and Caroline sat down to enjoy some relaxation and a glass of wine before going to bed.

"I can hardly believe that this half term is over Caroline, it seems so much has happened. Nine months ago our life together was on a knife edge, and since then we've had so many things to navigate." Kate said. "You are so right. It feels like a whirlwind but you know what, so many loose ends have been tied up and I think we are ready to move on with a lot less baggage don't you." Caroline mused. Kate nodded in agreement.

The transition at Sulgrave had been very interesting. Margaret Connor had proved to be a formidable educator, equal to Caroline, but had also proved to be very black and white on many issues. The first day back after the half term break she had called Kate into her office. Margaret had said to Kate," I have no doubt you heard from Caroline, the conversation about you being on the stage?" Kate nodded." I suppose she has also told you about our time at college and what I shared with her." "Yes she did, but I want you to know that I won't be sharing your private business, Margaret. Caroline and I have both been in that space, that time of questioning, and we just chose a different outcome."Kate replied.

Molly continued," I didn't really have any choice Kate, I had to just put my feelings aside and get on with what others would see as a 'normal existence'. I have always put my family and religious belief first. It is possible with God's help to accept what you are given. My husband is a very steady and loving man and has been a good father to my two children. I couldn't really ask for more. Any other life I might once have contemplated , could never have been. However, I was moved by the staff and student response to your wedding to Caroline and the child you have together. It did make me stop and consider my attitudes to some things. I hope you know that your sexuality will not make any difference to your professional life here. However I can't lie and tell you I support your choices."

With that they had both agreed to differ and there had been no ill feeling between the two of them, jus a respectful distance.

"Caroline, are you sure you are happy with the decision we have all made regarding Flora and Greg?" Kate asked. Just after Kate went back to work and Caroline finished at Sulgrave, they had invited Greg and his partner Louise to come over from Manchester. They had enjoyed a lovely day together and it had given Louise an opportunity to get to know Flora a little. They had discussed all the pros and cons of Greg having a role in Flora's life. In the end they had come to a place they were all in agreement with. Greg and Louise would continue to be in Flora's life, rather like an aunt and uncle. Caroline and Kate would always be her parents and make all the decisions about her life and bear all the financial responsibility. Flora would have the relationship explained to her when they all felt she was old enough to understand or, if she ever questioned her mothers about who her father was. That way, if she wanted a different relationship later, he would not be a stranger. They had come to visit just before Kate and Caroline left for New York and had spent the afternoon at the park with Flora, who seemed quite happy and comfortable in their company. She had developed a strong bond with Greg during Kate's recovery time.

"Yep I really am darling. I regret what I said about him. You know he's not my cup of tea, but he is a good and trustworthy man, just like you said he was. I have no qualms about him and Louise being in her life as long as they don't stretch the boundaries."Caroline replied.

They sat for a while longer quietly sipping their wine and talking about all kinds of other things. After a while, Caroline looked deep into Kate's eyes and said, "Have I told you how grateful I am to you for pushing me to see Amy? It has been one of the most profoundly helpful relationships I've ever entered in to".

Kate kissed Caroline deeply and passionately. "Have I ever told you how proud of you I am, working your way through all your pain and trauma, opening yourself to the raw emotions you were experiencing and then coming back to me a calm and reassured woman. My wife, my lover, my best friend and the only person I would want to raise my child with."

Amy and Caroline had continued the therapy up until the time Caroline was leaving for New York. They had both agreed that Caroline had reached a point where she felt able to move forward, not totally fixed, but with all the resilience and skills she needed to deal with anything that might come up. Caroline knew it was the right time to separate herself from Amy, but she also knew that this woman had become very special to her. Apart from Kate, she was the only person Caroline felt able to be fully vulnerable with. Somewhere in the back of her mind was the consoling thought that Amy was only ever phone call away.

Caroline drained her glass and got up off the couch. She walked over to her ipad and pressed a couple of buttons. She then gently eased Kate up and into her arms, walking her over to a space in the room. The music began to play and the two of them began to sway, their bodies close and in unison. As they held each other looking deeply into each other's eyes, they could hear Roberta Flack singing just for them as she had this time a year ago.

Tonight you're mine completely

You give your love so sweetly

Tonight the light of love is in your eyes

Will you still love me tomorrow.


End file.
